The Munchie Cookbook

A smoking session is not complete without some delicious treats to eat.

But what, specifically, should you munch on? A couple bong rips should give you a significant creativity boost, but just in case you’re still having trouble thinking up a meal, you can reference this Munchie Cookbook for inspiration.

To ensure that each entry in this cookbook is ideal for the marijuana-influenced state of mind, every recipe meets the following criteria:

Easy to make: We don’t mean stick-it-in-the-microwave-and-you’re-done easy, but rather easy relative to, say, making a pie or a pizza from scratch… easy enough so that even when you’re high it’s hard to mess up

Takes less than 30 minutes to prepare: Waiting anything longer than a half-hour to eat is unbearable when a mean case of the munchies sets in, so we won’t waste your time with any long cooks here

No ovens involved: Being high of course means being a little impaired in terms of short-term memory, so we’re also not going to recommend anything that could lead to your house burning down if you forget to turn the oven off… or, worse yet, putting a frozen meal in the oven, setting a timer, and then coming back a half-hour later only to find you forgot to actually turn the oven on

Delicious: Bonus points if cheese is present

1. Bacon Mac ‘n’ Cheese

Ingredients:

• ½ pound (8 oz.) of elbow macaroni (the bigger the noodle the better)
• 2 cups sharp cheddar cheese (grated)
• 2 strips of bacon
• 2 cups of milk
• ¼ cup of butter
• ¼ cup flour
• Salt
• Pepper

Instructions:

Bring medium-large pot of salted water to a boil and cook macaroni according to package instructions. When the macaroni is a few minutes from being ready, in a separate saucepan melt the butter over medium heat, and also begin to cook the bacon in a lightly buttered frying pan. Once the butter in the saucepan melts, add in the flour and the milk and a dash of salt and pepper. Finally, drain the macaroni, add the sauce, and crumble in the bacon. Stir and serve.

2. The Royale with Cheese

Ingredients:

• ¼ pound ground beef
• 1 sesame seed bun
• 2 slices of Yellow American cheese
• ½ teaspoon mustard
• 1 tablespoon ketchup
• 1 teaspoon chopped onion
• 2 slices of dill pickle

Instructions:

Don’t drive under the influence – instead, you can just make your very own McDonald’s quarter-pounder at home (or a tasty imitation of it, anyway). Brown the inside of each half of the bun. Then roll your beef into a ball on wax paper and flatten it into a ¼ inch thick patty. Cook the burger for 3 minutes on each side, and salt both sides while doing so. Add the mustard, ketchup, onions, and pickle slices to the top bun. Add one slice of cheese to the bottom bun, place the patty on top, put the other slice of cheese on top of the patty, and then place the top bun with condiments on top of that. Microwave for 20 seconds and serve.

3. Peanut Butter Apple Slices

Ingredients:

• 1 jar of Jif Natural peanut butter
• 1 Fuji apple

Instructions:

Usually the food that tastes best when you’re high also happens to be the kind of junk food that’s absolutely terrible for your health, but there are a few exceptions, like peanut butter apples. Cut the apple into bite-size slices and add a dollop of peanut butter on top of each slice for a delicious-yet-healthy snack.

4. Pizza Dog

Ingredients:

• 1 hot dog bun
• 1 hot dog
• ¼ cup of mozzarella cheese (grated)
• Sliced pepperoni

Instructions:

Start out by cooking a hot dog just like you always would – heat it up in a frying pan and throw it in a bun. The munchies-worthy twist here is that you then add mozzarella cheese and pepperoni and put it in the microwave for 30 – 40 seconds for a combination hot dog/pizza.

5. Chips and Queso

Ingredients:

• 1 bag of tortilla chips
• 1 cup White American cheese
• ½ cup jalapeno cheddar cheese
• ½ cup white queso cheese
• ¼ cup milk
• ¼ cup of half and half

Instructions:

The instructions here are pretty straightforward – add all the ingredients into a microwavable bowl (expect for the chips, of course) and microwave for 3 minutes, taking it out to stir each minute. Not every microwave is as powerful as the other though, so you may need to add another minute or two.
You don’t want the queso to be too firm or too runny – you want it to be firm enough to leave a trail when you drag a chip through, but also runny enough for that trail to settle back into a smooth surface quickly. Once you hit that consistency, you’re ready to dip.

6. Watermelon Mint Salad

Ingredients:

• Watermelon (chunked)
• Fresh mint leaves
• Feta cheese (crumbled)

Instructions:

We’ll give your arteries a break and end this cookbook on a healthy note. Again, the instructions here are pretty clear – just mix together all the ingredients. Enjoy!

Adam Ritchie

Adam is a freelance writer based in Seattle. His work has been featured on Groupon, Empire News, Menguin, and many other sites. He's probably high right now.

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